Caring for an elderly parent can be challenging and expensive.

If you've done your homework, you'll have discovered that a clean and well-managed assisted living facility will cost your family between $3,000 and $6,000 per month. And while it's true that they often provide basic services like cleaning your mom's apartment, doing all her laundry, managing her medications, transporting her to and from doctor or dentist appointments, and feeding her healthy meals in a nice dining room, there’s still a missing piece … these facilities can't "manage" loneliness.

One alternative to moving mom into assisted living is to add a "mother-in-law apartment" to your home -- a private apartment with a small kitchen and bath and a combined sitting room and bedroom area. This arrangement not only gives everybody some privacy, it also puts you all close enough for daily communications and emergency help is available if it's needed.

CHECK THE ZONING ORDINANCES

If you're considering adding an apartment to your home, you'll first have to have a look at the zoning ordinances in your area. Zoning ordinances set limits on the way property can be used. For example, your property is probably located in an area that is zoned for single-family residences.

Rental units in a residential neighborhood are of particular interest to the zoning folks.

The square footage of a mother-in-law apartment may be limited in the zoning ordinance to no more than 20% of the total square feet of the original house. Anything larger is considered a general rental unit and may be turned down by either the zoning commission or the folks in the inspections department who issue permits.

And the second living unit must be directly connected to the main house by a door. The resident in that unit can’t have to go outside in order to move from the second unit to the main house. If the second living unit is not directly connected to the main house, you may not get a permit even if you would be allowed to build a family-only apartment.

SETTING A BUDGET FOR THIS ADDITION

Setting a budget isn't easy. Talk to some knowledgeable realtors about what kinds of design would maximize the return on this investment … what will recapture your expense when you sell the home … what will increase your equity if you plan to stay a while. Figure out how the value of your home will increase if you do this project, then use 90% of that amount as your total project budget target. This will protect your investment from any unanticipated fluctuations in the real estate market between now and the time you sell.

USE AN ARCHITECT

Hire a professional designer to determine what your mom's needs are, and how best to design her apartment for her own comfort and convenience, and in such a way that it blends with the style of the rest of the house. Every dollar you spend on a designer’s fee will bring you more than a dollar back in increased real estate value. They polish up your ideas and add the "Wow", they define your intentions to the n'th degree so that the contractor knows exactly what he has to do to get paid (which diminishes the possibility of disputes), and they provide a neutral and knowledgeable voice during a contract negotiation or a dispute with your contractor -- three very important functions that make them worth every penny you spend on their services.

HIRE AN EXPERIENCED, QUALIFIED REMODELING CONTRACTOR

Begin talking to a good remodeling contractor after, not before, you've clearly defined what you want from him. Without the details, how can he give you a price? But once he has the designer's drawings, he’ll know what his costs will be and how long it will take him to complete the project, and he'll give you a great price, one that he can stick to.

HAVING MOM AT HOME

Having your mom at home with you, and still having your privacy has some very important advantages, not the least of which is that you can all pitch in with chores, and you can all enjoy a good laugh together. This is precious time. The love and support you provide your parent can extend their life and the presence of a grandparent in the home seems to keep the kids more grounded, more connected to the family circle.

It may be an old-fashioned idea, but it's a viable alternative to the cost of assisted living for many of us who care for both parents and kids.

MORE INFORMATION

You’ll find lots more information about the home remodeling process in Managing a Renovation: Staying in Charge and Out of Trouble, our friendly and comprehensive homeowner’s guide to remodeling project management. Download the table of contents and a sample chapter, or go to the order form to purchase it.

We offer ready-to-use construction forms, including a complete remodeling contract, in our Bookstore, as well. Have a look.

And, you may want to look at our list of More Resources for some great design ideas.

  Site design by: Lee Ann Obringer, Marketing Communications and Design